Hippo-cracy Democracy

Welp, I'm a hippo-crittter. I am, nonetheless, pleased to announce the newest member of our family, my schnazzy new bike. I loves it...except for one minor issue... There is...a certain amount...a certain degree.. of some less-than-pleasing...not-so-optimal... There's some pink on the bike, ok? Yeah. I bought a bike with some pink on it, despite my vehement vows otherwise. What's it to you? It was the best deal, the smoothest ride, way on sale, and Chris thinks it would be good for me to embrace my inner girl. I am, in fact, a girl... Although I doubt even my inner-most girl wants anything to do with that abhorred, atrocious, puke of a color...but perhaps he's right. It's really not even that much pink anyway. Plus, it's more of a purple (true, a color almost as nauseating as vomitrocious pink, but it's kind of like having Mussolini for a friend instead of Hitler).
Anywho, I just thought you'd want to hear it from me rather than finding out some other, shocking way.

Here it is... Ok, lay it on me.

Tu t'appelles?

People who claim to be "so terrible with names" = Self-centered. (I'm in this category)
People who claim to be "incredibly good with names" = Creepy.

Wanna go ride bikes?

Well, after spending the winter under a tarp that was too small, it was time to "tune up" the bike again. I rolled it into Aggie Blue Bikes, who, as it turns out, make YOU fix your own bike under their fairly lax supervision. Here's the thing though, they all figure that you know at least something about your bicycle, because they start with, "Alright, just pop that back wheel off and unscrew the axel rod." Mmmm...I said, "I promise I'm not this dumb outside of bicycle-dom...but I don't have any idea how to get that sucker off a there..." He says, "Just unhook the break pads and pull the quick release." It turns out the "quick" release is only quick if you're not dumb. In the end, I spent the better part of 2 hours screwing things in the wrong way (righty tighty, lefty loosey is hard), dropping wrenches on the poor dude's foot, and wigging out over the spiderwebs that appeared in the bike's nooks and crannies. I asked him if he figured it would explode on my way home, and I guess he didn't see it as very likely...even after I told him how it HAD in fact exploded while I was riding it one time...the tire anyway.
So here's hoping it doesn't fall apart mid-ride.

Also, anyone have any ideas on where to buy a new bike? We need another one.

IQ and Neuroticism

Am I neurotic because I walk away from satisfactory, unawkward, social interactions smiling to myself, "Yes. A satisfactory, unawkward social interaction"...?

I took an IQ test because I was reading in my statistics book about the distributions of American IQ scores... so I figure, ok, let's see how I stack up, dumb or MENSA. It turned out I'm dumb because I wasted my time on an IQ test and didn't finish reading my statistics book... How would MENSA like that.


Free-IQTest.net - IQ Test


Lastly, I may stop this blogging thing...it's feeling lonely in here.

Random things in my little notebook

I was flipping through the little notebook I keep by my bedside, and found some random things. Some of them don't make sense...Sometimes I write things in pitch darkness as I'm drifting off to sleep...

-"Stickers stick to what purpose"
I have no idea what I meant by this. Now there's some deep thinking for yeh.
-"Pros and Cons of staying in grad school: Pros: M.S. degree, no disappointment; Cons: Go crazy, can't do fun things"
Hmmm...and what did I ultimately choose? Sanity is overrated anyway..
-"Chris started freaking out last night, 'Aaa! Aaa! Keep the ogre open!' Repeated over and over"
Looks like I'm not the only one with night terrors. Subconscious fear of ogres much?
-"Baby present, Jen-Frosting, Randy-thesis timeline"
I think you got your frosting, didn't you Jen?
-"Bottle of retrospect"
Mmm...poetic.

Pick-a-Philosophy Tuesdays

I picked up the Shopko catalog I got in the mail, and unfortunately, it inspired yet another cynical bone-to-pick (yes, it's now one, hyphenated word--I was told that I'm allowed to do that now). Right on page two, I see an ad for "NEW VIEW 2 pk. Resin Wall Plaques" for only $4.88! Wow!! The first plaque suggests in beautiful cursive, "Make each day a new beginning." Awe. Just inspiring. The second one wisely advises, "Keep a dream in your heart." Let me brush this joyful tear from my cheek.

Ok, first of all, I am utterly incapable of fathoming what could possibly be going through any human being's mind that could allow them to even tolerate such pointless, life-sucking space-occupiers, let alone ACTUALLY PAYING for the mindless dribble! Never mind that four dollars and eighty-eight cents could buy you around 8 candy bars, depending on the sale; never mind that you'd be $4.88 cents richer and your wall wouldn't be polluted with putrescent nonsense; what kind of drooling idiot would buy this garbage?? You might be wondering, why is Samie so worked up about such a trivial thing? Brain-meltage is probably a factor, sure, but it's the principle of the thing. Let's say you truly believe that each day should be a new beginning [eye roll]. FINE! THAT'S FINE! But even if that's the case, why would you go buy a ridiculous WALL PLAQUE?? Where's the connect?? So you can tack it up on your wall and let everyone else know that's what you believe? Is it the pretty little butterfly that printed above the cursive? Do you think your house needs another accent? Or are you attracted to big red "sale!" signs? I don't understand!!! And besides, what are the chances that these two little adages actually represent your life philosophy?? Aaaa!

Ok. Take a deep breath. If you like little sayings on your walls and shelves, fine. Go for it. But why not make a craft out of it and make something infinitely cooler and more personal than some dumb plaque you buy at Shopko for $4.88???!!
Maybe I'm taking my school frustration out on Shopko. And the dummy who made these idiotic plaques...
If you're a person with manufactured words on your wall and you're reading this, don't get offended. I can probably assume that you have a good reason. Please enlighten me.

More Poetry for You

In my current state, I offer things I hate. And because that sounds cynical by itself, I give it to you in poetry format. That way, it's bleeding art, not griping (as with all poetry--take THAT poetry; how do you like me now?)


The Great Hater (with apologies to Rupert Brooke)

These have I hated:
The singing voices of children
(Don't judge me, it grates the ear drums)
Ambiguities in requests
The audacity of undergraduates
Entitled punks who think their time is more valuable than mine
Line butters
Uncertainty
Snow
Driving
People who think the blinker is a fun option
Any change besides furniture layout
Surprises that aren't presents for me
The color pink
Oh how I loathe pink
"I know you're super busy, but..."
That dancing game when trying to pass a stranger
but you both try to go the same way
several times.
Academia's thievery of Spring Breaks
Women who are taller than I am
Just washing my hands and then being faced
with the obligation of a handshake
with someone who may have challenged hygiene habits
Small dogs
"I had the craziest dream last night,
let me tell you about it in detail"
"Let me tell...you...this important...thing...
Sorry...I'm distracted...by this....mundane...task..."
GRAD SCHOOL
Hollywood
Poetry
But before my list gets too long,
For the sake of my soul:
I like kittens, candy, green grapes, alliterations,
Christian, when people think I'm funny,
Being right, piano, fan-damily, boots,
Teaching, finishing something, graduating,
Graduating, graduating, leisure time,
Assassin's Creed 2,Left 4 Dead 2, drawing,
The color green, wind, rain, possibly YOU.


The end.

Perhaps poetry isn't the route I should take...